|To the Commander-in-Chief of Germany, robber of France, Holland and Denmark, thief from Belgium, Austria, Czechoslovakia and Norway, initiator of the global war, the hangman of our country, the mad strategist that causes the world to laugh, the ersatz-Napoleon looking more like a crow, dubbed in German Fuhrer the Great and in Russian the wild bandit, the Corporal in Retirement – Little Hitler the Ober-Scumbag.Business Offers, Advice and Suggestions from the Pinsk Partisans, Written Down by Ivan.
You and your gang, including Ribbentrop, decided to enslave Europe. A dickhead like you could not figure out how dumb that was. Your sheep-head could not figure out you couldn’t carry this one out. It seems the horse that gave birth to you filled your head with bread, not brains. The Germans thought you are a Napoleon and came in the water, not knowing where to cross. Instead of a conquered Europe, you got kneed in the arse. You’re hanging on so far by a thread, but soon you will get cockslapped in the head. And from your fascist nest not even a cock will be left standing, you German pussy.
Dickhead, remember how you scared us? You barked like a bitch, world-wide: “I won it alone – the Red Army is defeated, its air force is beaten, Moscow is done for.” But nobody believed you, you devil’s-navel. You fucking louse cannot scare us with such cockery, we knew that you, old far, are a famous braggart. We knew, fuck your mother in her Berlin, that soon you will shit your pants! And we were right too!
The Fritzes ran from Moscow, shitting their heels and losing their pants. In Stalingrad we’ve opened the gates of Hell. At Orel they got a stake up their head. From Belgorod your hosts fled, shitting their heels, not looking back. At Pripyat and Berezina the Fritzes have shat plenty in their pants as well. In short we’re smashing up your heads and tails, as if you were lazy horses.
Your pants-shitters fled the English and Americans in Africa. You’re getting beaten in Italy, and soon will be beat somewhere else, too. In short, even a fool can see you are screwed.
It is strange, however, that the Germans put up with a such a shit, such a brainless idiot, at the head of a country. Maybe they should put you up to cleaning latrines, you will be able to contemplate everything. A warrior like you is best fit to clean up piss and shit. A strategist like you will make laugh a chicken too.
Listen on, dumbass, to the word of the Pinsk Partisans. Listen on, fucked-up scum and tie it to your shit-covered mustache. You have threatened us a plenty, but we lay a cock on you and beat your punishment team on. You then sent Goebbels to write leaflets urging us to surrender and live in the German paradise. You brainless idiot, tell Goebbels this won’t work – our Motherland is not for sale, and we spit on your leaflets. Sometimes we gather them up to wipe our arse. But if you, Aryan whore, send your host to fight us again, your entire shabby horde will be jammed up a horse’s pussy. We have enough swamps to pave over with your corpses.
We have only one advice to you – go fuck yourself, Sir. Leave Russia before it’s too late – this is our serious word. If you do not leave on your own, we will feed you with shit until you are full. Goebbels and Ribbentrop will get a stake up their arse, and you will be first beaten up with a bat and then hanged on a cock. The rest of your gang we will just bury deep in the ground.
Thus our letter ends, and we wish you a swift death. Tell Ribbentrop to kiss your arse. Then tell Goebbels to stand doggy-style and kiss his ass yourself. Soon your Fascist brothel will collapse, and cocks like you will have no time for kisses.
Upon orders from the partisans,
Translated by MicroBalrog